traceyclark - i am enough - I am enough from Kelly Rae Roberts

Wednesday

Jul142010

I am enough from Kelly Rae Roberts

Wednesday, July 14, 2010 at 7:21PM

photo of Kelly Rae courtesy of Andrea Scher

I’m not sure why it never occurred to me before, but the biggest thing I’ve learned about myself this year is this: I am a perfectionista. And it sort of sucks.

I’m realizing that I go WAY above and beyond what’s expected of me in just about every situation of my life: in my creative business (which translates into a LOT of hard work, late nites, and feelings of sadness the minute I think I disappoint a biz partner or student or customer), in my personal relationships (which translates into my never feeling like I’m giving enough), and in my relationship with myself (which translates into an inner dialogue that goes something like this, “do more, love more, contemplate more, evolve, and do it faster.”).

Add a pregnancy (my first ever!), a big move, a major home renovation (my first ever!), and giant creative biz deadlines/endeavors, and my inner perfectionista is seriously having the time of her life. Everyday, we battle. She pushes in with “get your shit together, Kelly Rae. You aren’t eating enough veggies for your unborn baby,” or “Those wall paint colors you chose for the renovation house are close, but not perfect. Try again” or “You’re first e-course seems to be a hit, but you are making big mistakes with it.” My heart pushes back with all its heart + soul counter language, all the firm yet loving boundaries that generally work like a charm. Most of the time, my heart wins. Because love (even toward ourselves) always wins.

But it’s a constant struggle, especially inside those months where my inspiration seems to have the reigns and I’m just along for the ride. It usually means weeks and weeks of feeling like I’m caught in the whitewash of the surf, just getting hammered by the give and take of the momentum. Or it means an acute awareness of knowing that many people (creative biz partners, students, family, etc) are depending on me to do my very best, to show up and succeed. And let me just say, I’m very good at meeting other’s expectations. I’m a great student, always aim to please and work hard for that A+ grade from you, my family, my friends, my students, my husband, myself. Totally exhausting, right? I know!

Intellectually I know I am enough. I know that I have the capacity to hold a lot of love, chaos, and inspiration. I know that I thrive when juggling multiple balls in the air, that I enjoy it. I know that I am supported and deeply loved whether or not I ever do or accomplish anything ever again. I know that in the end none of this really matters except love and faith and tenderness and brokenness and being open to the rushing in of all of it. But what I’m learning, I suppose, is that my own heart needs to catch up with my intellect already knows: that I am worthy. That it’s me (not you, my family, my friends, my community) that sets the bar of what’s expected and that it’s me that gets to determine that I am indeed enough – not based on what I do, how many A+’s I can collect, but rather who I am. That my inner perfectionista is just a mere inkling of a thought and that my spirit’s capacity is beyond measure of any horizon on earth.

In the end, I don’t want to be remembered for all those A+’s, or all those expectations met, or all those seemingly meaningless inner dialogue battles. I want to be remembered for having the grace of celebrating my own worthiness and the those that I love. I want to be remembered for trusting my own limitlessness, for embracing my own power. For knowing when to let go. When to let love in. And how to love well. Myself included. I really really am enough. There is so much grace in that perspective. And I’m so grateful for it.

...........

About Kelly Rae Roberts

Kelly Rae is the author of Taking Flight: Inspiration + Techniques to Give Your Creative Spirit Wings, a best selling art + inspirational book that encompasses all aspects of what it means to live the creative life. Her work has been featured in a variety of mixed media books by her peers and she’s had several articles published in various magazines, including Cloth Paper Scissors, Somerset Life, Somerset Studios, and Memory Makers. Much of her artwork is licensed and can be seen in stores nationwide on a variety of products, including cards, journals, magnets, decorative wall art, and more. In addition to painting, licensing her work, and writing, Kelly is passionate about teaching others how they too can find their creative wings with her inspiring ecourses + workshops that are held all over the world. You can learn more about her on her website and blog.

Bio photo by Denise Andrade.

tracey |

18 Comments |

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Reader Comments (18)

AMEN!

July 14, 2010 |

mati rose

Your words are so beautiful and very inspiring! It makes me misty. Thank you so much for sharing lovely sweet Kelly! Lots of love to you and yours!

July 14, 2010 |

jacqueline

If I had the chance to speak to Kelly Rae, one Kelly to another, I would tell her that perfectionism is a lifetime of failure - a battle you cannot win. Being a former perfectionista, I can speak this truth from the heart. Kelly Rae, you are enough. You are MORE than enough! If you really need to be perfect, and aren't yet at a point to truly let it go - than just be you - and you will be perfect - the perfect you - with all of your mistakes, your insecurities, your flaws and even those so called imperfections - because that's what makes you YOU! No one else can be you - so you are perfect, exactly as you are! You have changed SO many lives for the better - at least 730 of them by our Flying Lessons FB count - not many people can say that - that they have touched, and forever changed the lives of so many for the better.

You are enough! You are enough! You are enough!

Seriously, you are enough.

And when you have one of those imperfect mom moments what we call "Rookie Mistakes" at my house - you are always welcome to join me in my imperfections at my blog - where I post them for the world to see!!!

Big hugs and lots of love - seriously, you are enough! :)

July 14, 2010 |

Kelly

I know all about the perfectionism trap. If I try to be perfect, then I'm ALWAYS going to fail and NOT be enough. No one on earth is perfect, NO ONE. So we are all enough. But Kelly Rae - let me ASSURE you - YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH and I don't think you have fully taken in that you have changed the direction and story for hundreds of us. We are not just typing comments, or telling you nice little snippets YOU ROCKED OUR WORLD, changed every moment, every decision, every brushstroke. You changed EVERYTHING! You know how you did it? By being YOU, more than enough. I truly hope it seeps into your very soul and you really understand this {hug}

July 15, 2010 |

Linda R

Kelly Rae I have to agree with Linda and Kelly. You are certainly enough. That is one of the things I took away from Flying Lessons that I never was able to accept about myself before. Somehow you got through to me. I am enough. I have had dreams and hopes that someday I would be able to make a living or supplement my job by creating my art. I have had countless numbers of people tell me I should be in business making art. The biggest thing is that I did not know how to even begin. I didn't want to begin until I believed my "work" was perfect and that I was worthy of creating it. You, as perfectly as you could, gave me the tools to jump in and face my fears and just do it. I don't know when I have been so excited about starting my creative biz. I AM enough. We are enough.

July 15, 2010 |

Dale P

always remarkable and always enough!!!

July 15, 2010 |

Rebecca E. Parsons/Cre8Tiva

Right on sister!!
xo

July 15, 2010 |

andrea scher

It was through your course that I could finally say "I am enough". Your honesty, your kindness, your authenticity showed me that we don't have to be perfectionists, that we will always loose that battle. You gave us the courage to start blogs and websites, to venture out into the marketplace, open stores on Etsy etc. You touched our souls. You showed us that we are worthy.
You are so much more than enough.

July 15, 2010 |

Carola Bartz

Big sigh of recognition and relief to know that even the people who appear to have it all together from the outside still have the same insecurities! I, too, realized this year that I am a perfectionista and for better or for worse, it's how I've gotten where I am today. I completely related to what you said here:

"That it’s me (not you, my family, my friends, my community) that sets the bar of what’s expected and that it’s me that gets to determine that I am indeed enough..."

When we realize that we're the ones in control - of our happiness, of how much we work, of how hard we work, of how much we take care of ourselves - only then will we really, truly, FINALLY know and accept that we are enough.

Thank you for this post and for helping me to make peace with my inner perfectionista.

July 15, 2010 |

darrah parker

ahhhh the perfectionista! i know her well.

i love what you wrote kelly. i loved your flying e-course. i love your blog.

i love it that you are willing to make mistakes and not be perfect ;)

thanks so much for sharing!!

inspiring as usual :)

July 16, 2010 |

mindy

it's your perfectionista that created a fabulous e-course! just imagine how many lives you've touched, how many people who will always remember taking the course that launched their creative careers! one of the greatest gifts is to make a difference in someone's life...in the world. you have definitely made a huge difference in so many lives. not only have you graced their walls, etc. with your beautiful art, but you have motivated so many to take the next step...to start something they were fearful of starting...to say if I can do it, you can to...to say YOU ARE ENOUGH! And now that your baby will be here soon...I'm sure you will inspire and motivate your little boy to be the great, kind, honest, good man that you so desire. You will teach him that he IS ENOUGH! Bravo to you Kelly---here's a fan that knows that YOU ARE MORE than ENOUGH!

July 22, 2010 |

Lori Diane

Thank you Kelly for your willingness to be transparent. That to be is a true sign that YOU know your are enough. yee haa!!

July 22, 2010 |

Florence Haridan

you are a jewel...authentic through and through...thank you for being such a leader...you empower women all over the planet (and probably a few men, too) by simply being yourself...and that is surely m o r e than enough

July 22, 2010 |

e'layne

Kelly wrote:

Kelly, I have your book, I follow you on facebook etc., I love your posts, and I think I will digi-scrap your quote above (crediting you of course). Your words are the perfect affirmation for starting the day -- or anytime.

Wishing you peace and joy.

With gratitude,
(ms.) Michael

July 23, 2010 |

(Ms.) Michael Nelson

I found myself being pulled under today into envy and not enoughness. That somehow I just can't keep up and do all that I imagine I should be doing. That in every accomplishment there is a larger lack or hole left by something I haven't done. What a stinky way to think.

Thank you for sharing your feelings...especially needed to hear "That it’s me (not you, my family, my friends, my community) that sets the bar of what’s expected and that it’s me that gets to determine that I am indeed enough – not based on what I do, how many A+’s I can collect, but rather who I am." and the key for me lies in the gem "Because love (even toward ourselves) always wins."

July 23, 2010 |

Thea

Thank you for sharing even more, Kelly. I have to agree with all the previous comments. You have touched many lives with your art, your writing, your e-course, and I'm sure much much more. Thank you for inspiring me to reach for my creative dreams while still plugging on through my normal, everyday life. Apparently we all need to learn the lesson that "I am enough."

July 24, 2010 |

Jen

So, so true. Thank you for your lovely words--they soothe as I relinquish my perfectionist ties to the past. And as I lovingly let them go...so many moments and experiences awaited me.

August 16, 2010 |

denise (musingsdemommy)

November 27, 2011 |

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